Practicing the Presence

My boyfriend left our weekend activity early because I sassed off saying I like him showing me affection sometimes.

No, that did not go over very well, or even well.

My mistake. He did not deserve that and though his stuff earlier today rubbed me raw a few times, this one was all my doing. Understandable, he drew a boundary…did not want to feel the hurt of it anymore.

Me, I had been believing all my press. He and his confidante commented that I was a gem. I started believing it. He felt me believing it and acting on it. What a powerful aha moment.

In order for this relationship to thrive I am obliged to learn and polish additional effective relationship skills.

In response to the pain, my focus is staying in this moment, because the alternative is my mind creating a fantastic story about how awful I am and how right I am, taking the defensive and that I must be simply meant to be alone. Waa! Well, sheez, that was only firing-up the tearfall, which I stayed with in that moment.

Then my heart filled with the regret I feel for the saddness and hurt he was feeling. My thought: I should end it now so I don’t cause him anymore pain. Yea, strange, eh? Then my angels asked so who does that really benefit? Well, me. Duh. Then the clouds broke, returning my feet to the ground, filling me with an incredible sense of loss.

Plus, while firmly planted in my pity party, I could honestly say there was no one clear next step. To stay or not to stay. To stand and deal or run-and-hide–a favorite activity of mine. Interestingly, surprisingly, pain surrounded every next step I could imagine.

 Practicing the presence this day enables me to step out of the drama which feeds pain body, and into this keen, clear now moment. Living in the now means not being swallowed up by the past or daunted by a future yet-to-be, maybe. Practicing the presence calms and centers monkey mind allowing Divine wisdom to present truth and option void of hurt, pain. I am reminded that life simply is, and in each moment we have an opportunity to choose again.